oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
