didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
