an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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