Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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