we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
