is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
