I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
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