Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
