well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I looked at my own cervix.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
