This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
