singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
3 2 1 whiskey
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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