the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
