Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
