He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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