Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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