I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
