haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
