Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
