Are we in a gay sports bar?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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