Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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