wanna go halves on a baby?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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