with your own penis?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If I die, sorry about rent.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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