you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
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we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
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If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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