They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
