East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
