dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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