Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
