No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
