apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
