Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
