I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
