also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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