I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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