I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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