I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
