thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
