why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
