I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
