Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
