do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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