that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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