Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
