I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
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