So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
