We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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