I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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