At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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