i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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