capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
