Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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