she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
