got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
