I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
even my farts smell like vagina
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
