Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
