There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
