i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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