The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
