How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
