there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
