Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
