Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
