Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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