No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
