I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
