i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
