I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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