So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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