imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
