carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
