Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
3pm strippers are depressing
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
