I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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