I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
