24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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