Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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