her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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