do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
