she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
