Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
