My first STD was from a foam party
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
