There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dignity is for republicans.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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