he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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