If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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