just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Please don't give away my fajitas
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
