You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
